My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Is that strawberry winking at me??
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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