i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
