We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
