I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
