Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
