For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Randomize
