Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
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