so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
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