im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
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