He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
