There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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