You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize