just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
