I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
