And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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