oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
