Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
The air taste purple.
Randomize
