8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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