I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
