Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
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