He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Randomize
