Got a toothbrush?
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
