I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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