I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
