my phone cant type all the emotion im having
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize