Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Houston, we have a squirter
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
