you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
