i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
