all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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