Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
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