..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Randomize
