i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
You ruined the universe
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize
