i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
The feeling are messing with the penis
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize