my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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