I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
