What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
