actually, I'm a sock model
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize