What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
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