Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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