Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
