sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
