$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
