I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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