so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
