Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
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