When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Randomize