i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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