when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
