the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
We're hate flirting, damnit.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
