I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Randomize