there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
