Is it normal to miss your booty call?
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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