you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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