it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Randomize
