She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
