If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
