U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
