If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
