Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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