what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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