tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
