Moan for me like Helen Keller
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
