I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
