she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
