Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
