at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
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