I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
