How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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