Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize
